Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Blast from the Past - grade 7ish

I thought, since I'm writing for a young audience, that it might be neat to include some stories of my own younger years on my blog.  Most of these stories, the one below being no exception, will probably involve some huge humiliation of your protagonist (that's me!).  Get out your popcorn and enjoy!

The year is 1995.  My favourite music is Joan Osbourne, the Beatles, and Alice in Chains (I always was eclectic).  My hair's parted in the middle and hangs in great heavy hunks of dark brown past my shoulders on each side.  I'm not ugly, but I'm not one of the big lookers in my school.  At least, I don't think so.  But who does?

Tonight is the night of the school dance.  School dances are big things for me, because I have a crush on just about every guy in the school...except the ones who have crushes on me of course.  B and J are just about the only guys in school who ever ask me to dance.  B is like oatmeal.  He's not ugly, not cute.  He doesn't really have many extracurricular activities that I know about.  He's really nice though.  Like I said, oatmeal - with no cinnamon or brown sugar.  J is the same height as I am...and I'm the shortest girl in my class.  He reads university chemistry books and usually is disqualified from the science fair because his experiments are...strange.  One year he injected chick eggs with food colouring or something and then watched them hatch all different colours.  The judges didn't really know what to make of that.  [editors note: I should tell you that both of these guys ended up pretty hot and awesome in adult life.]

Oh yeah.  My good friend E sometimes asks me to dance too, but that doesn't mean anything.  E, unlike J, must be like two feet taller than me.  He is kinda cute, and really smart and funny too...but we're just friends, really. I might have a little crush on him.  Well, not really.  I'd never tell anyone that anyway.  We sit on the bus together every morning because we're the first two stops on our bus route.

So anyway, I'm getting ready for the dance.  My friends Em and K come over and we spend hours picking out outfits and blasting Ace of Bass.  Finally, I settle on this new dress I bought.  It's a purple floral babydoll dress that I worry doesn't fit right, but Em and K tell me I look fabulous.  They also tell me the giant zit on my chin isn't noticeable, so I'm not sure I can trust them.  I'm pretty sure the astronauts can see my chinzit.  I try to cover it up with the limited makeup I have, all cheap cast-offs from my mum.

Eight o'clock rolls around and we're ready to go.  I'm in the purple babydoll, Em wears some sort of black dress that I think is overly formal, and it hangs off of her super skinny body like it's a curtain.  But I'm still jealous of her super skinny body.  K is in jeans and a cute top, as always.  My mum drives us to the school gym and the whole way we're blabbing about who we're going to dance with.

My list is long, but crowning it is the piece de resistance: Max.  I've had my eye on Max for awhile, and I'm pretty sure I asked him to "go with me" a few times, but he always says he has to think about it.  That's fair enough, right?  I'm not too bothered by his lack of an answer, I mean I can't really decide between my crushes either.  But I do know that my heart races every time I see him on the playground.  We danced once at our last dance, and it was pretty good.  I mean, his arms were at least slightly bent, putting our bodies almost in the scandalous zone.

At the dance, I don't see Max for awhile.  I dance with some other people, E, B, and J for starters.  A few times.  I spend some time on the sidelines chatting with K and Em, trying to look available, but I still haven't caught sight of Max.  When I finally do, I go straight up to him and ask him to dance.  I mean, what else would I do?  Wait around for him to ask me?  That's like, what I've been doing the whole night.  Em and K always marvel at how easily I approach my crushes.  What's there to be afraid of anyway?  So, I ask.  And he says, "Yeah.  Gimme a sec.  I'll find you at the next slow song okay?"

I run back over to Em and K.  "He said he'd find me at the next slow song!  Ah!  I can't wait!"  They're all smiles and cheering me on.

I'm so excited I have to pee, so I run off to the bathroom, hoping that a slow song doesn't happen right then.  Just as I'm finishing, a softer Mariah Carey song comes on and I sprint out of the stall back into the gym.  Right there in front of me is Max, eyes on me, and he's striding towards me like he has a mission.  I smile and wave.  "Hi!" I say in my most bubbly voice.

And then he walks right past me and greets his friend behind me.  Oh.  Oops.  Well, no harm done.

But that's when I look over and see Em and K watching me, mouths hanging open.  Em mouths "underwear!" and gestures right at her butt.  It only takes me a second, but I reach back and, sure enough, the back of my purple babydoll dress is tucked into my underwear.  In front of everyone.


So, any fun embarrassing stories for your guys's past?


  1. Oh no. I hope they didn't laugh at you! I'll share one of mine. (I'm sure I have many but I think I've repressed a lot of my embarrassing stories.)

    I don't really remember how old I was. Probably a freshman in high school and I'd just gotten this neat new pair of pants from one of my sisters. I used to only, ever, wear jeans but they were cute so I figured I'd wear them. They were this shiny grey material that was slightly stretchy and kinda vinyl-y but not really. So I put on the pair of pants as I put on a another layer of self-consciousness since I was, decidedly, not wearing my normal type of clothes. (I think you may be able to see where this is going...) So I rushed out of my house, late again for the bus. I ran as fast as I could across the field, just making it in time as my dingy yellow bus turned the corner. I rode the bus to school while wondering what my friends would think of my new outfit.

    I finally made it to my group of friend in the middle of the crowded cafeteria where we waited for the bell to ring. My friend J, came up to me as I headed for our table and greeted me, but as we walked back she noticed a small rip in my pants and pointed it out. I turned too look and heard her say my name with no small amount of shock in her voice. I turned back to her, fearing the worst. I looked over my pants and at all the seams the stretchy almost-like-vinyl material had ripped and pulled away from the seams. Thankfully, there was an under-layer of fabric so nothing was showing, but I still turned a perfect shade of red anyway.

    My awesome friend gave me her hoodie to wrap around my waist and we called my mom asking her to drop off a pair of pants in a bag for me at the office where I could get them. The bell rang and I walked super exceedingly self-consciously to my first class alone just waiting for the office to call me to pick up my bag.

    Unfortunately, the office never called. Instead, they sent someone down (a student aid probably) with a bag that looked like a sack lunch. They aid handed the bag to my teacher who stopped class to give it to me. My teacher--not knowing what was in the bag--said, "That looks like it's going to be a good lunch," because it was so filled looking. I nodded my assent and slunk into my seat farther after taking my bag and hastily shoving it into my backpack. After class, I rushed to the nearest bathroom to change and so ends my story...except now that I'm writing it I'm wondering if the student aid happened to peek in my bag when they brought it down. If so, he/she probably wondered why I needed a pair of pants. Oh humiliating stories. So, who else has one? ;)

  2. oh and I should add that the worst and biggest rip was on my butt. Of course.

  3. Haha oh no! Wardrobe malfunctions are the worst in middle and high school! :)

    For my next instalment of blast from the past, I am wracking my brain for a story that isn't about me being totally humiliated. I can't think of one. Or, at least, I can't think of any that aren't too scandalous to see the internet! :)

  4. I think at some point all girls learn to check their backsides when leaving a bathroom! Embarassing then. funny now.


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